Barry Trotter: 
'Stop that movie,' Headmaster Alpo Bumblemore said, 'or Hogwash is history!' He moved to the door, then turned back and said, in an almost fatherly way, 'Barry, the school is depending on you. If you ever get into a tight spot and think you might not be able to stop the film, I want you to remember one thing ..! He put an eczema-ravaged hand on Barry's shoulder.
.. if Hogwash closes you'll have to get a job!
 
The Chronicles of Blarnia:
What happens when four children discover a new world through the doors of an old wardrobe? About what you'd expect-they break stuff, and teach an entire generation of talking animals how to swear. Within two days of the Perversies arrival, all of Blarnia is a dump.
 
Who will help the once-magical kingdom regain its pine-fresh scent? Not the Wide Witch; she has troubles of her own. Only the great cat Asthma can fix everything, too bad he's only a foot tall. Full of forgettable characters and saccharine moralizing,
Michael Gerber's exuberantly unauthorized Blarnia is a tale the whole family won't enjoy.